Urgh, damn you Pinterest. Damn you and your shaming ways on us mere mortals when it comes to getting us excited about fruit given we're slightly obsessed with it!. How often do we spend hours, DAYS even, trawling board after board and pinning food-hacky perfection? Adding “cocktail sticks” to our shopping lists because we’ve seen a great idea for a melon medley octopus or a coconut hedgehog?
Here’s a little journey through a pictorial wonderland of aspiration vs reality.
1) The tropical, regal Pineapple
Pinterest: If you like Pina Coladas….Ah, summer and naf karaoke anthems, heaven.
Reality: I’m not much into health food…I don’t even know which knife to use to cut through this stupid thing.
2) Rainbow Fruit Platters
Pinterest: Rainbows of a thousand splendid exotic fruits, chopped neatly and laid with precision.
Reality: Well, the only unchipped plate in the cupboard will have to do, and the strawberries have gone manky. We’ll put some cheese next to it, everyone likes cheese.
3) Fruity Skewers
Pinterest: Elegant fruit skewers? Yes. Kebabs? Certainly not, darling. To be twirled under a chocolate cascade and revered by all.
Reality: All we’ve got is a punnet of reduced strawberries, an overripe banana and a cake tin. Oh, and we’ve burned the chocolate in the microwave.
4) Fruit Cocktails & Mocktails
Pinterest: When a fruit infusion cocktail drink is so perfectly balanced that you get JUST the right amount of fruit with every pour.
Reality: Crash go the mandarin segments, splash goes the drink, stain goes your dress. It’s not even Pimms.
5) Fruity Canapes
Pinterest: Hands up – who used a ruler and a spirit level to create these bite sized canapes?
Reality: We’ve raided the “oddly shaped, still perfectly edible” bargain basement crate at the supermarket…
6) Fruit pancakes
Pinterest: Oooh, a lovely fruit-layered pancake stack. What’s the betting that’s buttermilk?
Reality: That’ll have to do. Don’t eat the bottom one, it’s burnt.
7) Fruit at Christmas anyone?
Pinterest: Steal the carrot back from Rudolph and use it as a dowel for this beaut of a fruity Christmas tree.
Reality: Meh, what’s the point.